Alan Beard's site

Story: Ice Cream

Mag: Every Day Fiction

Editorial comment: 

Dear Alan Beard,

Thank you for your submission to Every Day Fiction. I regret to inform you that we are unable to use it at this time.

There is a vivid image of Rodge at the end. Apparently something has happened to him? But is the man talking to the pov character responsible? What has happened? How do these characters know each other? Do they all work at the shop? I am lost in this story.

-- Jenn Goddu

I like the realism of this piece, the way it jumps into things unhesitatingly. The voice here strikes me as being sure of itself, having a kind of fluid chattiness a la Roddy Doyle or Raymond Carver.

For this to be worth publication, though, I think it would probably have to have more tension, as it seems to easy to read, if you understand what I mean. There probably isn't quite enough to draw the reader in.

An admirable piece, though. Writing style is excellent.

-- Andrew Cochrane

There were some really good descriptions here. I particularly liked how clear this guy was in my mind, and how the protagonist felt about him, even from the start. The prose, while tight, felt precise and intentional, which is a strong point as well. Yet, I'm not sure it has the kind of arc we usually go for. I can see this character realizing he/she will soon be working for this guy, and how he/she feels about it, but that only seems to set a stage by foreshadowing a future conflict. While the character goes to find some solace in some ice cream at the end, that conflict nevertheless feels unresolved.

-- J. Chris Lawrence

This has a good hook and is intriguing. But I'm afraid this leaves way too many questions unanswered and things unexplained to be satisfying.

-- Sealey Andrews

The character descriptions are vivid and the voice feels authentic. However, the comments above are an indication to me that much of our readership might have trouble sorting out the implied details and following the story. This piece might be better suited for a more purely literary readership.

-- Camille Gooderham Campbell

Unfortunately due to the insanely massive amounts of submissions in our slush pile, we cannot reconsider your piece at this time.

We wish you good luck in placing the story elsewhere.

Sincerely,

All of us at Every Day Fiction

http://www.everydayfiction.com/pages/

My comment: thanks for the comments. One day I'll get in!